Advice from Mama Bear

The Berenstain Bears created by Stan and Jan Berenstain have a book for every situation. Any time you need to explain something to your kids and you don’t know what to say, just turn to the Berenstain Bears! They have the solution. Going to camp? Going to the dentist? Bad manners? Too much junk food? Even saying “EXPLETIVES.” The bears have got you covered. They have a “Too Much TV” book, which we have owned for quite a while. I eagerly pulled it out and read it to my son, hoping for affirmation and assistance with our new low-TV lifestyle.
In this spirited argument against TV, Mama Bear sets out to save her family from the perils of too much TV watching. Sounds familiar. She declares “no TV for a week” week for everybody at her house. It is hard for the bears in the beginning, but Mama always has a solution. Need news? Read the paper. Need the weather report? Stick your hand out the window. Want to see something special? Gather your family in the back yard and watch the evening stars come out. Without TV, you’ll get back to nature, have lively dinner time conversations, and expand your mind with puzzles and knitting.

I hate the Berenstain Bears. First of all, the books are not written for the children but for the parents reading to their children. They are written to make you feel like crap because you let your kids eat a doughnut instead of whole grain bread with nut butter, or you have done a horrible job teaching manners and now your kid throws tantrums at the supermarket. The stupid books give me a major guilt trip! It doesn’t help that most of our Bear books have been bought for us by my mother. “Here’s a new book for the kids. I saw it and thought of you!” Sigh. Second, the books are sexist in the reverse sexism kind of way. In these books, Mama Bear is always wise. Mama Bear is always right. Mama Bear is always prepared. Papa Bear is always a moron. My husband hates reading these books! At first, I smugly rolled my eyes at him. Hitting too close to home, huh? But one book after another, that Mama Bear always knows what is best. I can’t live up to her standards! Can any mother? Mama Bear declares the TV completely off limits for everyone for a week. Of course, it doesn’t bother her because Mama Bear never watches TV. She is too busy scrubbing her house, tending her garden and orchard, cooking fabulous dinners, and rolling her eyes at Papa. I’m lucky to get out of my pajamas on a Saturday. After this cleansing week of no TV, no one in her family is even interested in watching it ever again! Problem solved. At my house, after a couple of days of limiting TV, I’ve got two kids with the DT’s and a husband who might move in with his mother because even that hell is better than here.

Mama, we just can’t quit cold turkey. I prefer the methadone clinic method. I ration out the TV dollars so my kid can get a fix. Is it bribery? Am I an enabler? I’m sure there is another Berenstain Bear book that can help me with that, but I don’t care! From now on, we are turning to “Little Critter” for family advice.

WHAT DID I DO?

It is the weekend.  The first weekend without TV on all the time.  It has not been easy. 

Luckily, we had several places to go on Saturday that got us out of the house several times and away from temptation.  But, this morning (Sunday) was rough.  It was my turn to sleep in and my husband's turn to get up with the kids.  Mornings are tough for the hubby.  He prefers to sit comatose in front of the TV, computer, or Ipod.  The less interaction the better.  So, our old way of doing mornings suited him just fine.  TV entertained, no zombified the kids, and we all could veg.  Actually, it suited me fine, too, because I could plop the two year old in front of the TV, give her some cheerios and raisins, and fall back asleep on the couch!

But now we are in a new era.  The no TV without a TV dollar era.  So, this morning the kids wake up bright and early around 6:30 am, I punch the husband to get him out of bed, and the fun begins.  My son did not have any TV dollars saved up.  He happily spent them the day before to watch a few Saturday morning cartoons before we left for our errands.  I warned him that he might regret using all of them, but it was his decision.  Well, hubby did not know that our son had no TV cash this morning, and he assumes that our boy has a TV dollar to spend.  So, daddy suggests to sonny that he trot downstairs and watch a cartoon.  Of course, my son would go for this idea!  Our two year old wakes me up because she needs Mommy snuggles, and my husband follows her back to the bedroom.  I ask him what is our son doing?  "He's watching TV" is the reply.  I calmly state that he doesn't have any TV dollars to watch TV.  "EXPLETIVE" shouts the husband, and he stomps off screaming, "Mommy says you don't have any TV dollars, and you have to turn the TV off now!"  "Sigh." says Mommy.  "BUT YOU SAID I COULD WATCH IT" wails our son.  Much screaming ensues.  My son is up the stairs bellering about how Daddy said he could watch it etc, etc.  My husband snarls, "You created this system, now help me implement it!" He stomps off.  Now I need Mommy snuggles! 

This will get easier.  This will get better.  I keep telling myself that.  I am seeing benefits.  First, I am watching a lot less TV.  I didn't watch anything until last night after the kids were in bed.  Usually, I mindlessly click through the channels for a couple of hours or watch one of my favorite reality competition shows like Top Chef.  Last night, there wasn't really anything on that I really wanted to watch.  I asked myself if I had to spend a TV dollar on this would it be worth it?  Nope.  So, I read a book and fell asleep a lot earlier than usual.  My son is having to weigh the pros and cons of spending his TV dollars.  Tonight he really wants to watch a Dora special.  It costs 2 TV dollars.  He has really been tempted to waste his dollars today, but then he wouldn't be able to watch the special.  Also, I think he actually likes having more rules.  Maybe I'm fooling myself. 

Let the Journey Begin

I have had it.  The TV has taken over my family's life.  I let it happen.  It is just so easy to let the TV entertain, teach, babysit my kids AND my husband, so that I can get stuff done.  A whole day can pass by, and I realize, all my kids have done today is watch TV and sit on their behinds (oh and eat).  It makes me sad, guilty, uncomfortable, and mad.  I LET THIS HAPPEN!  I have got to take control. 

My son is 5 years old and my daughter is 2.  I am thirty...something, and my hub is over 40.  We are the average family of today.  We are addicted to TV.  We have one in almost every room of the house and usually all of them are on at the same time.  It is not unusual for the TV to be on in one room all day without someone even in that room!  Constant noise all the time.  It's on while we eat dinner (the big no-no), play, read, get ready, and sometimes while we sleep.  Plus, we are a family of yellers.  We yell about everything.  Typically, it's "turn that TV down; it's too loud; you're gonna go deaf!"

This past week, my son started Kindergarten.  It was scary and exciting.  The first day, his teacher mentioned that he had some issues with screaming in the class and at her.  I was mortified.  I don't want my kid labeled as a trouble maker this early!  The permanent record start in Kindergarten, you know! 

This summer my daughter has really started to talk and sing.  It is adorable!  But, it dawned on me that all the songs that she loves to sing are the theme songs from all the cartoons she watches!  She can sing "Max and Ruby," "Dora," "Diego" "Clifford."  These are her friends.

So, I have declared enough is enough.  I am at war with the TV (and other types of media--computer, ipod, email, facebook) that keep my family from interacting and chatting at a decent volume.  I don't think my husband is too keen on the idea, but I have got to save us.

The first thing that I did was get him to remove the TV from the kitchen.  The tempting siren is gone.  The first thing my daughter says this morning is "where TV?  I watch Clippord"  Sigh.  The next thing I did was establish a "TV Dollar" system with my kids.  They can earn a TV dollar for chores, having a great day at school, etc, etc.  One TV dollar equals 30 minutes of TV.  My son is getting into it.  He is trying to come up with all kinds of ways to earn a TV dollar. 

I have already noticed some benefits.  My son has to think carefully and choose wisely what he will spend a TV dollar on.  He has to pay attention and weigh the pros and cons.  My husband, on the other hand, is having a tough time.  Last night, I was working to get my kids to help clean up their rooms and the kitchen area.  My daughter, being two, is not quite ready to stay on task for very long.  She kept wanting to watch "Spongebob Christmas."  I had to stop my husband a couple of times from letting her watch it until a TV dollar had been earned.  "What's the big deal?  She just wants to watch a video!" he said.  Well, we have to do this together!  It starts now.  If we say we are going to do it this way, then we have to follow through.  That's what all the parenting books say, right?  Well, after much prodding, pleading, and a little threatening, the chores were accomplished and TV dollar was earned.  I don't know if I am doing the right thing by rewarding them with TV, but I just don't know what else to do to keep the TV under control.

Last night the kids and I wrapped a birthday present together and wrote out the card instead of watching TV.  This morning during breakfast I read books with my daughter instead of TV.  These were special moments. 

The big test is coming.  We have only been at this for two days.  Can we commit?  Can we make it a whole week.  I've got to focus on special moments.  My family is worth it.